Imagine a couple sitting together, deeply in love, and trying to find the right words to describe their feelings. The man turns to his beautiful partner and says, “Our love is so romantic.” But what does that actually mean? When you have a cultural legacy that predates Rome, the word romantic is a limitation. When you know how love was practiced in Rome, you understand that “ramantic” is actually antithetical to indigenous love. When this couple reflect on their shared cultural heritage, they decide to explore their ancestral language for a more authentic expression of their love. In doing so, they discover a beautiful word that resonates with their heritage and values: “Ubuhle.” Ubuhle encapsulates the essence of their love, emphasizing the depth of their emotional connection, spirituality, and community.
Love is a universal and timeless human experience, yet the way most of us understand and practice love has been deeply influenced by colonization and Western ideologies. As holistic relationship counselors dedicated to helping Black people decolonize their relationships, it is crucial to return to indigenous practices of love that existed long before colonization disrupted our ancestral wisdom. In this blog, we will explore why it’s important to decolonize love and offer three essential ways to achieve this transformation.
Why Decolonize Love?
Decolonizing love means liberating our understanding of love from the constraints and distortions imposed by colonization. It’s about re-embracing our ancestral wisdom and values surrounding love, which often celebrated community, interconnectedness, and spirituality. Here are some key reasons why decolonizing love is crucial:
- Reclaiming Cultural Identity: Colonization forced many cultures to abandon their unique expressions of love and adopt Western norms. Decolonizing love allows us to reconnect with our cultural identity, celebrating love in ways that resonate with our heritage.
- Countering Stereotypes: Colonization has perpetuated harmful stereotypes about Black love, portraying it as exotic, hypersexualized, or dysfunctional. Decolonizing love helps dispel these misconceptions and empowers us to define our love narratives.
- Healing from Trauma: The legacy of colonization has left a profound impact on the emotional well-being of Black individuals and communities. Decolonizing love offers a path to healing by restoring the authenticity and depth of our love experiences.
Three Ways to Decolonize Love
- Removing Colonized Language
Language is a powerful tool that shapes our thoughts and perceptions. To decolonize love, we must start by examining and removing colonized language from our vocabulary. For example, the term “romantic” is deeply rooted in Western concepts of love, which often emphasize individualism and idealized notions of passion. Instead, we can explore indigenous languages and traditions to find more authentic expressions of love.
- Removing Colonized Holidays
Colonized holidays like Valentine’s Day often perpetuate Western ideals of love, commercialism, and individualism. To decolonize love, we can choose to celebrate culturally significant days that align with our heritage and empower our practice of love. For instance, instead of Valentine’s Day, we can celebrate Akoma Day, which honors the African symbol of the heart and signifies patience, endurance, and faithfulness in love.
- Shifting from Individualism to Community
One of the most profound ways to decolonize love is by shifting from an individualistic approach to a holistic and communal one. Indigenous cultures often celebrated love as a collective experience that involved the entire community. This perspective emphasizes the interconnectedness of all beings and encourages us to nurture our relationships within the context of a supportive community.
Decolonizing love is a powerful journey of rediscovering our ancestral wisdom and values surrounding love. By removing colonized language, embracing culturally significant holidays, and shifting from individualism to community-oriented love, we can create a more authentic and fulfilling experience of love. As holistic relationship counselors, our mission is to support Black individuals and communities in this transformative process, empowering them to reconnect with the love practices that existed long before colonization and celebrating the richness of their cultural heritage. In doing so, we not only heal from the wounds of the past but also pave the way for a brighter, more harmonious future built on love, connection, and community.